Years ago, I was assigned to be the blue sister
Qadria was pink, Kawsar was purple.
Our colors were our possessions.
I had the blue bedsheets, the blue cups.
Why did I feel such belonging?

My parents never talked to us about East Turkistan growing up
they struggled to survive instead
lived in a single bedroom apartment
“I’m sorry we couldn’t raise you well, balam*” my mom still says
working several jobs
raising multiple kids
being away from weten*

They were scared we wouldn’t fit in
We wouldn’t understand
As American born girls, we needed to conform
My name became “Jahar” not Jawhar
The girl who would avoid the sun
in hopes to not become any darker than she already was
The girl who ducked her head in shame
everytime the class roll came down to her name

I am an American born, Uyghur girl
never been to the motherland
Instead, I have bluebonnets and the star spangled banner flowing through my veins
My voice lets out a “y’all”
and a “bless your heart”
but I still long
for the motherland

My room remains in its “blue sister” state
from my desk light to pictures on the wall
but to me now,
the color means so much more

Blue is the color of our flag
the Kökbayraq
with the moon and star
fallen from the sky and onto our flag
representing our Turkic roots and our defiant nation
the resilience of our people
flowing in the wind
along with the calls and cries
fighting for a free East Turkistan

Blue means freedom
Blue means strength
The blue that unites Uyghurs across the world
The blue that will continue to inspire me

I am a blue sister
We will continue to fight
so one day
Uyghurs can come back to a free motherland

*Balam- my child
*Weten- motherland